All on the table (part 2): the happy stuff.

Monday, January 14, 2013
Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. As much as we want something to work out, it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes others make choices that affect us, but we can do nothing about. 

I have been divorced a year now. Did I think I would be engaged at this point? Definitely not. Did I think I would even be dating at this point? Still, definitely not.

This year was hard. The beginning more so than now. At one point I felt like a failure and had no hope in love or relationships or marriage. I had never experienced a hurt as deep as the one I went through. Some days I felt like life was over and there was no hope for me (i'm a girl, dramatic sometimes). I had to put on a tough face and carry on and not let anyone see that I was dying inside. I wouldn't wish those feelings or events upon anyone.

It took me a while to realize a few things. 
1. I can only control myself. I can't control what others do or say.
2. Blessings come in weird ways. I had to come to terms with the fact that I couldn't do anything more with my previous marriage. In the long run it did in fact become the biggest blessing of my life for numerous reasons.
3. Sometimes you have to experience the bad, to really appreciate the good. 
4. I deserve the best. I deserve to be treated with respect and love and so does every single person. If it is not that way, something needs to change. I slowly kept telling myself that I didn't deserve to be treated well and I was lucky to have what I had and I deserved what I had. This is definitely not true. When I finally got divorced and later started dating Saunder, I told myself I didn't deserve such a great guy. I am glad I snapped out of that. My marriage tore me down to nothing and I had no self confidence or self worth and I was miserable. It took a while to regain confidence and realize that it wasn't my fault that I had such a horrible experience and I did in fact, deserve the absolute best.

I am amazed and so thankful I found Saunder. Here is our story...

I moved to Orem from St. George in Febuary 2012. I didn't know a lot of people that were single. I wanted to meet some good guys and maybe restore my faith in men a little. I found myself signing up for LDSplanet.com (go ahead and laugh now). I had the account open for a little over 48 hours. I saw Saunder on the site and messaged him. I had over 70 emails the next day so I left Saunder a message and told him to find  me on Facebook if he wanted to, and I deleted my account. He did just that.

We went on our first date March 22nd 2012. I was going to a midnight showing of the Hunger Games later that night with my friends and he went out of his way to make our date Hunger Games themed. He even read the book a few days before our date. Now that is dedication. He was amazing from the get-go.

We were around each other a lot. Dates, watching Jazz games, eating ice cream, ping-pong matches, and it goes on and on. But for me, it was just friendship. I wasn't ready for anything remotely close to a relationship and nothing feelings wise was there at that time. During that time, we did build up an awesome friendship. We were comfortable around each other and he liked me for my weird goofy self. He helped me through a lot. Our friendship continued to grow and grow.

He kissed me on July 5th. I love that our relationship was built up on friendship and respect and not physical. What a great foundation! Well, a couple months went by and the more we were around each other the more my friend feelings turned into more. 

I have never been treated better. All the boys I have dated combined still don't compare. I'm sure you have seen through my Instagram overload. I think he is a keeper. ;)

When I was little, in church we (young women's group) wrote down a list of qualities we wanted in a husband. Before, I justified and was flexible with what I wanted for what I thought I wanted more. This time around, I can say this man IS everything I have ever wanted and more. Even down to the little silly things. 

January 14, 2013 Saunder proposed.

When I walked home I found this leading up to my first clue on my door...


and the first clue read...


I headed over to Texas Roadhouse and got my next clue that read...


Next stop, Trafalga


Our first kiss, at his apartment. I headed over and found this note on the door...


After visiting Joe (Saunder's roommate) at work this was my next clue...


At work I was greeted by all my cute co-workers with another clue that said...


And I ended up on a hill in the freezing cold. As I pulled up everyone released lit up paper lanterns and he was waiting at the top with candles and roses.







After the proposal he took me to a very nice Steak house and of course I chose the biggest steak in the world...


What an amazing special night.

I know first had that marriage isn't easy and it's always something that requires two people to continually be putting forth 100%. I can honestly say that this time around, marriage will be MUCH MUCHHHH easier with this guy. And that is how it should be. 

I know my love will only continue to grow stronger for Saunder. I am excited to work at this with him. I am excited to spend my life with him and even better, eternity. So excited to be Mrs. Schroeder.

A Quote I found recently sums this up perfectly...
"sometimes the wrong choices, bring us to the right places"

I don't necessarily like to think of my previous adventures as wrong choices, but they were in a way. The good news is, I am now in the right place.

Thank you again to those who were nothing but supportive through the good times and the bad. I will never forget the things my friends did for me and the support I received. I love you all.

XO.